No… Not those kind of toys, get your mind out of the gutter. With G.I. Joe coming out in theaters soon, I came across an article about 8 toys that should be turned into movies. I thought this was sort of interested and with only having read the first one so far, I already have much to say. The first is Barbie and Ken. Interestingly enough played by Katherine Heigl, which I can accept, but out of all the hollywood stars they decided that Owen Wilson could be Ken. Owen….Wilson… the man with the strange broken disfigured nose, I wonder… Was that just a pity thing because of the suicide attempt? Opz….Harsh. The plot they chose is along the lines of them traveling in their Barbie motor home. And since there is an australian surfer dude (played by Simon Baker, which is another meh choice), Ken no longer has to compete for Barbie’s affections, growing a belly, who’s voice would be done by Seth Rogen. I suppose that this would be an acceptable choice thinking about it now because his voice is a mix between oscar the grouch and indigestion.
Next we have Weebles! Weebles wobble, but they don’t fall down. They didn’t really put much thought into this one. The whole weeble family is played by Eddie Murphy, including the dog. There isn’t really a plot and its a whole bunch of nonsense. Perhaps they choice him for this disfunctional family because he can’t keep his dick in his pants and get his crap together. I am simply referring him to impregnating scary spice (Melanie Brown) and claiming it was not his baby. Naturally, it turned out to be his baby adding to his horde of children he already has.
The Cabbage Patch Kids! A little cabbage boy, played by Freddie Highmore, the picture they chose of him is rather disturbing, this child is not aging well and getting uglier by the day. (he was in the Spiderwick Chronicles, the newer Charlie and the Chocolate Factory, as well as August Rush, which is an amazing movie by the way.) The plot for this story would be able magic and new and exciting babies appearing and how he makes a hospital for all the new babies. The best part however is that they added, these babies would live and play in the hospital until Brad and Angelina buy them and take them home! hahaha
The Care Bears / Strawberry Shortcake “The Care Bears Eat Strawberry Shortcake” Now with the actors that they chose to be the Care Bears, this title sounds more like a porno than a kids movie. They decided that the beloved Care Bears should be played by Seth Rogen (Ew), Jonah Hill (Double Ew), Jon Stewart (Who the f-) and Jack Black (loathe). Strawberry Shortcake would be played by Isla Fisher, who I don’t mind especially because of Confessions of a Shopaholic. The plot is mainly about how Strawberry Shortcake comes with her cat Custard, who poops all over the care Bears kingdom and she smells sickly sweet so they send her back to the forest of feelings. Haha um….okay?
Operations! Grey’s Anatomy style. Basically it would be a TV special cross promotions. out-of-work actors play the patient with a red nose and if the surgery is successful, money goes to their favorite charity, and if not, the family of the patient is given a cash settlement…*(rimshot)*
Revenge of the Pet Rock
Now this one is funny and a little demented about a little kid living in a trailer park with his alcoholic mom and abusive father. For Christmas they drank away all their Christmas money so they got him a rock and draw eyes on it. They say it would be less trouble than a puppy or a kitten, so he should be grateful and shut up. Years later, the kid decided to give his parents back the rock in their sleep. When the cops find them, the pet rock looks like it is winking at them with its one bloody eye. hahaha
You may have noticed that at the beginning of this blog, I mentioned that there would be 8… If you don’t recall… thanks for paying attention. Otherwise, the reason I did not mention the others is because I got so bored of them even after reading the very very short paragraph.
Oh the good old days of cartoons and toys, they are just not the same these days.