Movies Not To See: March 2017 Edition

A compiled list to help you weed out the good vs the bad to save your time, money and brain cells. A link to the trailer has been provided in the title. 

Lovesong (March 3)

As much as I like Jena Malone you all know how I feel about Sundance films.  Let me summarize this for you, our broken main character is a single mother, she finds comfort in Jena Malone’s attention and Jena takes advantage of her broken friend.  After some sexual encounters and their relationship blooms, Jena introduces her fiancé.  During the bachelorette party, the main character tries to get Jena back, they ignite their sexual desires again, but our main character remains broken and used yet again.

The Last Word (March 3)

As touching and lovely as the movie may be in the end it is a bit too predictable and doesn’t quite make sense.  Our main character is a bitch, lets get that out of the way because everyone thinks to.  She is very controlling and requests the person who writes the obituaries to writes hers now so she can approve it.  After realizing she may not be as well liked as she believes herself to be, she magically becomes the most hip, cool, interesting and likeable person while trying to impact a young girls life in a positive way as a last ditch effort to get through those pearly gates.

My Scientology Movie (March 10)

At first what appears to be a documentary about Scientology is about a mans mission to learn more about Scientology, but when his attempts to enter their headquarters are denied he uses ex-members to recreate situations that they have experienced. As a fun little twist, the Church are also creating their own film about the director.  Perhaps a couple laughs, but looks confusing and a little too messy to be entertaining.

Raw (March 10)

The first warning is the vast amount of film festival awards the trailer boasts.  The movie is about a girl whose entire family are vegetarian and a vet.  When she attends veterinary school she eats raw meat for the first time which she then goes crazy along with the rest of the students in this messed up attempt at being artistic gone wrong.

Personal Shopper (March 10)

Starring Kristen Stewart comes a thrilling and suspenseful movie of a girl who tries to connect with her deceased twin brother.  Though I am intrigued by the film this is nothing I would recommend going to the theatre to see.

A Very Sordid Wedding (March 10)- no trailer available-

There isn’t really much available on this one other than it being a sequel from Sordid Lives set seventeen years later.  It appears to be a very campy cult classic type show that I imagine will be like the Absolutely Fabulous Movie where it is best suited for fans of the original, current viewers can still enjoy it but not to the extent intended.

Song To Song (March 17)

Ryan Gosling and Michael Fassbender can only do so much to help a film and make you want to see it.  This movie is about the very cliche and predictable story of musicians who fall in love and their love and passion become too much and it turns into pain in a vicious cycle.

The Devil’s Candy (March 17)

An odd horror movie about a man who vaguely looks like Jesus who becomes possessed by something evil and paints disturbing pictures.

The Blackcoat’s Daughter (February) (March 31)

A creepy horror movie about two girls who have to stay at their boarding school over the winter break as an evil presence begins to stalk them.  Though I am intrigued I think this one is best for those random horror movie Netflix nights.

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Movies To See: March 2017 Edition

A compiled list to help you weed out the good vs the bad to save your time, money and brain cells. A link to the trailer has been provided in the title. 

Logan (March 3)

Set in the future, the story of Logan (Wolverine) continues with the introduction of a young girl with similar abilities.  Could this be the creation of a new generation of X-Men?

The Shack (March 3)

Now this movie should be on the not to see list based on my dislike of the book of the same name (review available).  The book and film are deeply rooted in religion and finding god.  The film hosts  a group of very well known actors and actresses including: Sam Worthington, Octavia Spencer, Radha Mitchell, Graham Greene II and even Tim McGraw.  Though I will not being seeing this movie in theatres there is a nagging voice in the back of my mind to watch it to compare to the book.  There are many of you who will want to see this to supply your addiction of sadness and inspiration so it will remain on the To see list.

Before I Fall (March 3)

Based on the novel of the same name the story is of a girl who seemingly has everything until one day, her only day, begins to repeat itself over and over no matter what she does.  During this she realizing that her life may not be so perfect after all and she needs to make some serious changes before her time runs out.

Table 19 (March 3)

Regrettably I am putting this movie on the To see list!  It pains me to do this but this seemingly predictable yet, what the heck is going on, movie is funny and full of predictable romantic comedy sap which we all can’t help but love.  Based on the preview you would think this is a week long wedding adventure where everyone wears the same outfit every day, but somehow they manage to fit it into a weekend.

Headshot (March 3)

I must admit the beginning of the preview lost me fast as most film festival films don’t cut it for me, then suddenly everything changed and the preview turned into a pretty badass action film reminiscent of the Kill Bills.  This may be worth a shot after all.

Kong: Skull Island (March 10)

Though I probably won’t ever see this movie, it is still slightly intriguing and may appeal to many of you.  What is it about these Kong movies that keep us coming back?  Starring Tom Hiddleston, Brie Larson, Samuel L. Jackson, John C. Reilly, Tom Wilkinson and John Goodman the film is full of familiar faces, but a movie we assume to be about Kong suddenly becomes about about an island full of giant monsters.

Kidnap (March 10)

Starring Halle Berry in this badass film about a mother who will stop at nothing to get her son back from a group of people who have kidnapped her son.

Brimstone (March 10)

Summary from Flixster “Wrongly accused of a crime she didn’t commit, a frontier woman turned fugitive is hunted by a vengeful preacher in the menacing inferno of the old American West.”  Starring Dakota Fanning and based on the title we can only assume a little witch hunt may be on the agenda.

Beauty and the Beast (March 17)

The movie of all movies and the one I have been waiting months and months and months to see, as we all have.  It will be a nightmare trying to get to this movie when it opens in theatres and fully expect an audience full of people singing and laughing and talking (I may talk during shows but not at the theatre, I’m not a total monster).  I will definitely be trying to get the 18+ VIP theatre seats for this one.

T2: Trainspotting (March 17)

I’m sure I’ve seen the original but did not enjoy it enough to remember any of it.  I know there are may of you looking forward to this one though.  I hope it does the fas justice as I have no intention or desire of seeing this.

The Belko Experiment (March 17)

A disturbing movie about a corporation who turns their high rise into a social experiment.  While the building is in lockdown a voice over the intercom advises that the works must follow their commands and kill other workers, if they do not, then the building will kill double of the first request themselves.  Not a theatre movie but on par with one of those Netflix horror movie nights.

13 Minutes (Elser) (March 17)

Based on the true events of an ordinary man in 1939 who made an attempt to kill Hitler and stop him during his height of power.

Power Rangers (March 24)

Continuing with our childhood revamp we have a darker more badass version of Power Rangers! Who didn’t like Power Rangers?

Life (March 24)

Though I don’t mind some alien space movies, this one is very much a curiosity killed the cat movie and I’m not completely sold on it yet, though Jake Gyllenhaal and Ryan Reynolds do help.

CHiPs (March 24)

It pains me to have this on the TO see list.  A movie adaptation of the tv series from the 70’s/80’s come a movie about two bad cops who are assigned to a case to uncover some dirty cops.  Naturally the two are relatively incompetent and you all want to see this, you will laugh and then when the movie is over you will never discuss the movie or think of it again.  A sort of defence mechanism for your brain to wipe it of such evils but who am I to deny you of some escape laughter?

Ghost In The Shell (March 31)

I never saw any of the original Ghost In The Shell stuff but the preview for this movie is breathtaking and amazing.

The Boss Baby (March 31)

Yet another animated film of forced laughter.  We all know the movie is ridiculous and we will unfortunately laugh and we will all end up seeing it at some point so lets just get it over with so we can put it all behind us.

The Zookeeper’s Wife (March 31)

The amazing story of a real life wife and mother who used the family’s zoo as a way to save peoples lives during WWII.  Really looking forward to this one.