Movies Not To See: March 2017 Edition

A compiled list to help you weed out the good vs the bad to save your time, money and brain cells. A link to the trailer has been provided in the title. 

Lovesong (March 3)

As much as I like Jena Malone you all know how I feel about Sundance films.  Let me summarize this for you, our broken main character is a single mother, she finds comfort in Jena Malone’s attention and Jena takes advantage of her broken friend.  After some sexual encounters and their relationship blooms, Jena introduces her fiancé.  During the bachelorette party, the main character tries to get Jena back, they ignite their sexual desires again, but our main character remains broken and used yet again.

The Last Word (March 3)

As touching and lovely as the movie may be in the end it is a bit too predictable and doesn’t quite make sense.  Our main character is a bitch, lets get that out of the way because everyone thinks to.  She is very controlling and requests the person who writes the obituaries to writes hers now so she can approve it.  After realizing she may not be as well liked as she believes herself to be, she magically becomes the most hip, cool, interesting and likeable person while trying to impact a young girls life in a positive way as a last ditch effort to get through those pearly gates.

My Scientology Movie (March 10)

At first what appears to be a documentary about Scientology is about a mans mission to learn more about Scientology, but when his attempts to enter their headquarters are denied he uses ex-members to recreate situations that they have experienced. As a fun little twist, the Church are also creating their own film about the director.  Perhaps a couple laughs, but looks confusing and a little too messy to be entertaining.

Raw (March 10)

The first warning is the vast amount of film festival awards the trailer boasts.  The movie is about a girl whose entire family are vegetarian and a vet.  When she attends veterinary school she eats raw meat for the first time which she then goes crazy along with the rest of the students in this messed up attempt at being artistic gone wrong.

Personal Shopper (March 10)

Starring Kristen Stewart comes a thrilling and suspenseful movie of a girl who tries to connect with her deceased twin brother.  Though I am intrigued by the film this is nothing I would recommend going to the theatre to see.

A Very Sordid Wedding (March 10)- no trailer available-

There isn’t really much available on this one other than it being a sequel from Sordid Lives set seventeen years later.  It appears to be a very campy cult classic type show that I imagine will be like the Absolutely Fabulous Movie where it is best suited for fans of the original, current viewers can still enjoy it but not to the extent intended.

Song To Song (March 17)

Ryan Gosling and Michael Fassbender can only do so much to help a film and make you want to see it.  This movie is about the very cliche and predictable story of musicians who fall in love and their love and passion become too much and it turns into pain in a vicious cycle.

The Devil’s Candy (March 17)

An odd horror movie about a man who vaguely looks like Jesus who becomes possessed by something evil and paints disturbing pictures.

The Blackcoat’s Daughter (February) (March 31)

A creepy horror movie about two girls who have to stay at their boarding school over the winter break as an evil presence begins to stalk them.  Though I am intrigued I think this one is best for those random horror movie Netflix nights.