Category Archives: Movies NOT To See

I have decided to make a list of movies that are or will be coming to theaters. This list consists of movies that you should NOT see in the theaters. Unless you are rich and can afford to waste the money and your time.

This is only my personal opinion, but I’m usually right.

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Movies NOT To See: March 2018 Edition

A compiled list to help you weed out the good vs the bad to save your time, money and brain cells. A link to the trailer has been provided in the title. 

Foxtrot (March 2)

An artistic foreign film about war.

Goldstone (Mar 9)

I can’t say I’ve ever heard of Outback Noir and it looks like I will never see one either.  Small town desert folk looking to keep their sex trade a secret from an outside detective.

Gringo (Mar 9)

Your average American businessman is sent into Mexico for drug-related business, what could go wrong?  I would almost see this for Charlize Theron

Thoroughbreds (Mar 9)

When crazy rich girls don’t get their way, the only logical thing is to remove the problem right?  Even if that problem is one of their dads.  I liked Olivia Cooke from Bates Motel but I’m not sure how I feel about this whole indie bad chick role.

The Leisure Seeker (Mar 9)

Starring Donald Sutherland and Helen Mirren, Sutherland is an elderly husband who has lost his memories and Mirren decides to take him on a trip in their motorhome to try and bring back some of his memories.  Sounds cute but doesn’t really grab your attention, it just sounds sad.

I Can Only Imagine (Mar 16)

The story behind the untold true story of the most play Christian song.  Some stories are better left untold.

Sherlock Gnomes (Mar 23)

Please….. for the love of…. just stop.  I beg you.

Isle of Dogs (Mar 23)

A strange film about the future in Japan where dogs have become a widespread problem so they are shipped off to an island of garbage.  Although I like claymation films there is something about the style of this film that doesn’t sit right with me.

Final Portrait (Mar 23)

The story between American writer James Lord and art-lover Alberto Giacometti.  It’s a little too artsy qwerky for me.

Tyler Perry’s Acrimony (Mar 30)

Alright, so I would almost watch this if it weren’t for two things.  One, we have already seen this starring Beyonce.  Two, why does Tyler Perry have to put his name in the movie title?  It’s almost as bad as Jason Derulo letting us know 10 times within the first 10 seconds of his songs that it’s him.

God’s Not Dead: A Light in Darkness (Mar 30)

Can’t we just stick to the biblical remakes….

Gemini (Mar 30)

The trailer describes the film as Neo-Noir.  That fact alone will tell you this means artsy, drags on forever for and ends with a twist movie.

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Movies NOT To See: February 2018 Edition

A compiled list to help you weed out the good vs the bad to save your time, money and brain cells. A link to the trailer has been provided in the title. 

Peter Rabbit (Feb 9)

While we all love James Cordon and our animals to wear clothes and dance to who let the dogs out, are we really going to be satisfied after watching this one?  Perhaps hungover on the couch on Netflix but not in a theatre.

Double Lover (Feb 14)

Just in time for Valentine’s Day.  A young women moves in with her therapist, whom she loves, until she finds out he isn’t entirely what he seems and ends up sleeping with an imaginary twin.

The Party (Feb 16)

Nothing like inviting your friends over for a dinner party to air out your dirty laundry.  Turn it into black and white and we have ourselves an artistic triumph.

Loveless (Feb 16)

A Russian tale of a husband and wife who each have moved on yet continue to live together while they fight every moment than can get until their son they have been neglecting disappears.

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Movies NOT To See: January 2018 Edition

A compiled list to help you weed out the good vs the bad to save your time, money and brain cells. A link to the trailer has been provided in the title. 

The Strange Ones (Jan 5)

As much as I love Alex Pettyfer there is nothing that makes this look interesting… other than him.

12 Strong (Jan 19)

As good looking as Chris Hemsworth is, this based on true events war story isn’t cutting it for me.

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Movies NOT To See: November 2017 Edition

A compiled list to help you weed out the good vs the bad to save your time, money and brain cells. A link to the trailer has been provided in the title. 

Lady Bird (Nov 3)

A quirky teen girl angsting against her mother and society while trying to make her path through life.

LBJ (Nov 3)

Just in time after Trump releasing information regarding the assassination of JFK.  The only thing really compelling me to want to see this is Woody Harrelson’s performance and his transformation for the role of Lyndon Johnson.

Last Flag Flying (Nov 3)

While the sentimentality is touching, it is still just a bunch of washed up old guys traveling across the country and reconnecting.  Touching, but nothing we haven’t seen before.

Blade of the Immortal (Nov 3)

I think this is something that would have been best to stick to an anime rendition.

Daddy’s Home 2 (Nov 10)

Unfortunately, all I needed to see was “Will Ferrell” to put this on the NOT to see list.  Sorry Will Ferrell fans, but is it really worth the pain?

Thelma (Nov 10)

An international film that could actually be interesting, but sometimes I’m just not in the mood for subtitles in my movies.  Thelma begins to experience seizures and her suppressive religious upbringing and her feelings for another girl cause her to express supernatural abilities.

I Love You, Daddy (Nov 17)

The thing that makes this movie stand out and seem interesting is also the thing that I think would become old rather fast.  The black and white old Hollywood look mixed with the modern hooch and kooch isn’t quite doing it for me.  Interesting theme of old men in power with a taste for younger women coming out at a time like this.  ~ Remove all color and add old music, we have to make it look kitschy and cute and non-threatening to avoid the trolls. ~

A Fantastic Woman (Una Mujer Fantastica) (Nov 17)

While I can appreciate the struggle of a trans woman trying to deal with the loss of her partner, the emphasis on artistic struggle takes away from the story and makes it unbearable.

The Current War (Nov 24)

While the idea of Thomas Edison and his inventions is intriguing, the story doesn’t look overly compelling.

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Movies NOT To See: September 2017 Edition

A compiled list to help you weed out the good vs the bad to save your time, money and brain cells. A link to the trailer has been provided in the title. 

Goon: Last of the Enforcers (Sept 1) 

As you know I’m not much of a sports movie guy, but I suppose everyone has a bit of a soft spot for Stifler.

Home Again (Sept 8) 

Reese Witherspoon’s break out role into mom-com.  That grown up stage where you become pigeon holed into adult comedies playing the dysfunctional and relatable mom.

Anti Matter (Sept 8) 

While the poster may have attempted to look cool, a sci-fi film that wins lots of film festival awards lacks the spark that many of us look for in sci-fi.  No cool visuals, just cold thought provoking artistic triumph.  Nah!

 Fallen (Sept 8)

As much as I love cheesy tween stories, this looks like it is based on an exceptionally cheesy tween novel inspired by Twilight.  I would; however, watch this for fun and likely enjoy bits of it, though nothing profoundly moving.

Year By The Sea (Sept 8)

A Year By The Sea may feel more like a year in the theatre in this mature life after divorce tale.

Woodshock (Sept 15)

Kirsten Dunst stars in this drug induced coma that tries to make art out of pain and suffering.  Snooze.

Brad’s Status (Sept 15)

Ben Stiller starring in his old man comedy about how his school chums are all successful men and he has nothing, but then he realizes he has his family and his smart kid so he doesn’t what he can to support his son, and you know…. live through him.

The Lego Ninjago Movie (Sept 22)

I may be a teenage girl at heart, but I’m not a teenage boy.  Nope.

Battle of the Sexes (Sept 22)

Based on the true story of Billie Jean King the #1 female tennis player and ex-champ Bobby Riggs in the 70’s where being a male pig was celebrated.  I like Emma Stone but I know I wouldn’t care for this movie.

Stronger (Sept 22)

Inspirational true story about Jeff Batman who was injured and lost his legs during the 2013 Boston marathon bombing.  While I imagine it is a good and inspiring movie I don’t like to purposely watch sad things just to become emotional.  Too many people thrive off of sad things just so they can cry over someone else’s story to get their own attention.

Friend Request (Sept 22)

People these days put far too much emphasis on friends/unfriending and statuses and relationships on social media it is only fitting that we have a horror movie of a girl haunting people through Facebook.

American Made (Sept 29)

Tom Cruise stars in this suspense drama about Barry Seal, a pilot recruited by the CIA.  Not really doing anything for me.

 

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Movies NOT To See: August 2017 Edition

A compiled list to help you weed out the good vs the bad to save your time, money and brain cells. A link to the trailer has been provided in the title. 

Columbus (Aug 4/17)

A son is stranded in Columbus, Indiana after his father becomes suddenly ill.  While he tries to cope with his present situation and his past he is helped by the kindly random local girl who lives and breathes architecture.

Step (Aug 4/17)

Any type of intense dance, step, choreographed movie usually peaks an interest inside of me.  There is nothing like a cheesy/cool group choreographed routine; however, I never actually watch the movies as the plots are all the same.  Insert struggling (blank), dance is their savior, finish on an inspiring win. Fin.

The Nut Job 2: Nutty by Nature (Aug 11/17)

I wasn’t aware there was a Nut Job 1 and not interested in having to watch it to catch the second which I imagine both to be disappointing.

Ingrid Goes West (Aug 11/17)

There is something about Aubrey Plaza that I like, but she is pigeon-holing herself in these roles equivalent to that of Adam DeVine.  She is the bad ass girl in this comedies, but they aren’t good comedies.

Good Time (Aug 11/17)

As nice as it is to see Robert Pattinson again, I feel like I would be racing around like a chicken with my head cut off watching this just like the people in the movie.

The Life and Death of John Gotti (Aug 25/17)

Gangsta movie starring John Travolta as John Gotti.

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Movies NOT To see: July 2017 Edition

A compiled list to help you weed out the good vs the bad to save your time, money and brain cells. A link to the trailer has been provided in the title. 

Spiderman 3 kind of ruined everything for me.  I don’t mind the Spiderman franchise, but this movie is more of a comedy than a superhero movie.  Our new Spiderman is interning with Iron Man.  His new spidey suit is basically an Iron Man suit made of spandex and he is more awkward and tweeny hence the push for comedy.
 
Sundance award winning film.  Don’t let the title trick you.  The only thing scary about it is the fact that it won an award.  An artist view of what it is like to wear a bedsheet with eye holes and revisit memories of the past.
 
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Movies NOT To See: June 2017 Edition

A compiled list to help you weed out the good vs the bad to save your time, money and brain cells. A link to the trailer has been provided in the title. 

Obviously if your familiar with this title due to your children you fate it already sealed but there is still hope for the rest of us.
Rarely are horror movies ever worth seeing in the theatre and this one makes no exception.
I never actually got into Tupac and I assure you I probably never will.  I have no interest in this and while you may argue because of your own personal interest you will watch it and you will rave about it because you like Tupac, then a week later you will not even remember that you saw it.
 
A remake of the original Eastwood classic of the same name. While I do like the actors/actresses in this movie, it is basically a wounded soldier who ends up at a girls school during the Civil War and all the girls young and old are smitten and begin to fight.
 
A girl tries to escape to Mexico but is caught by Cannibals, then she goes to Coachella.  Not really, but it seems a reasonably description for this mess.
 
I happen to like Ansel Elgort and he looks adorable in this movie which is in contrast to his bad ass crime driving.  It also stars Kevin Spacey and actually looks like a decent movie, but the story is old and tired which cancels out anything it had going for it.  Maybe when it’s on Netflix.
 
The 300th remake of the same movie yet somehow we will all watch this when it comes onto Netflix.
 
I dislike Will Ferrell…. He has an obnoxious comedic value and while I appreciate his attempt to movie into the adult comedy films resembling the likes of Paul Rudd, he still manages to keep enough of himself to make this a no go.
 
While there may be funny parts in this movie, the whole idea just doesn’t make sense.  It relies on the fact that the women are nuns and the men are priests and the comedy comes from the severe contrast of their actions and their appearance/setting.
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Movies NOT To See: May 2017 Edition

A compiled list to help you weed out the good vs the bad to save your time, money and brain cells. A link to the trailer has been provided in the title. 

Chuck (May 5)

Boxing movies never do it for me.  Chuck is based on the true story of Check Wepner the inspiration for Rocky Balboa.  Another fun fact, I’ve never seen Rocky 1 through 20 and I don’t intend do.

The Dinner (May 5)

The fact that this movie stars Richard Gere is the only thing that would get me to watch this movie.  Two estranged brother’s son’s are friends and the families are tested for how far they are willing to go to protect the secret of the horrible crime committed by both sons.

The Wall (May 12)

Not quite the Trump wall but getting there.  It doesn’t look like that bad of a movie I just don’t think it will be enough.

Lowirders (May 12)

A gangsta inspirational movie about fathers who just want their kids to build cars and kids who just want to break the law and do graffiti.

The Survivalist (May 19)

During a time of starvation, a man lives alone in the woods with a shotgun, people show up…what could go wrong?

Wakefield (May 19)

The strange movie about a man who wanted to escape it all but didn’t want to leave his family so he watches them from the garage attic while things fall apart.

Diary Of A Wimpy Kid: The Long Haul (May 19)

Um…. yeah…. no thanks.

The Commune (Kollektivet) (May 19)

A 1970’s movie about a danish woman who is bored of her husband and would rather live with other people so they decide to invite others to create a commune in their home.

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Movies NOT To See: April 2017 Edition

A compiled list to help you weed out the good vs the bad to save your time, money and brain cells. A link to the trailer has been provided in the title. 

The Blackcoat’s Daughter (February) (March 31)

A creepy horror movie about two girls who have to stay at their boarding school over the winter break as an evil presence begins to stalk them.  Though I am intrigued I think this one is best for those random horror movie Netflix nights.

Colossal (April 7)

Starring Anne Hathaway as a washed up party girl whose destructive life pattern manifests itself into a giant Godzilla alien that she can control.

The Void (April 7)

A gory alien horror movie best left for those one star horror movie Netflix nights.

Truman (April 7)

A film about two old friends who reconnect later in life while one is diagnosed with terminal cancer.  The film has a cute dog, but it is also in subtitles.

Graduation (Bacalaureat) (April 7)

A film about a girl whose chance to escape the place where she lives is ruined when she is attacked on the way to school.  Her chance to escape could slip away as the haunting attack threatens to send her down a path of ruin.

The Outcasts (April 14)

At first I thought the movie might have potential reminding me of Mean Girls, but then it fell apart and floundered.

Leap! (Ballerina) (April 21)

While it has the look of charming and uplifting animation, it has the quality of made for tv Christmas re-runs.

Unforgettable (April 21)

While we all enjoy a little crazy lady fights I feel like we have seen this many times before.

The Promise (April 21)

The story of fallen empires, war and love.  While it almost gets your attention there is something missing from this one.

Free Fire (April 21)

A confusing gun battle reminiscent to those long battles in Golden Eye.

Sleight (April 28)

The preview is very short for this one and the super power qualities look intriguing, but the summary of the film looks to be a lot less super.

How To Be A Latin Lover (April 28)

The novelty of the idea fades a little too quickly.