Movies NOT To See: June 2017 Edition

A compiled list to help you weed out the good vs the bad to save your time, money and brain cells. A link to the trailer has been provided in the title. 

Obviously if your familiar with this title due to your children you fate it already sealed but there is still hope for the rest of us.
Rarely are horror movies ever worth seeing in the theatre and this one makes no exception.
I never actually got into Tupac and I assure you I probably never will.  I have no interest in this and while you may argue because of your own personal interest you will watch it and you will rave about it because you like Tupac, then a week later you will not even remember that you saw it.
 
A remake of the original Eastwood classic of the same name. While I do like the actors/actresses in this movie, it is basically a wounded soldier who ends up at a girls school during the Civil War and all the girls young and old are smitten and begin to fight.
 
A girl tries to escape to Mexico but is caught by Cannibals, then she goes to Coachella.  Not really, but it seems a reasonably description for this mess.
 
I happen to like Ansel Elgort and he looks adorable in this movie which is in contrast to his bad ass crime driving.  It also stars Kevin Spacey and actually looks like a decent movie, but the story is old and tired which cancels out anything it had going for it.  Maybe when it’s on Netflix.
 
The 300th remake of the same movie yet somehow we will all watch this when it comes onto Netflix.
 
I dislike Will Ferrell…. He has an obnoxious comedic value and while I appreciate his attempt to movie into the adult comedy films resembling the likes of Paul Rudd, he still manages to keep enough of himself to make this a no go.
 
While there may be funny parts in this movie, the whole idea just doesn’t make sense.  It relies on the fact that the women are nuns and the men are priests and the comedy comes from the severe contrast of their actions and their appearance/setting.

Movies NOT To See: May 2017 Edition

A compiled list to help you weed out the good vs the bad to save your time, money and brain cells. A link to the trailer has been provided in the title. 

Chuck (May 5)

Boxing movies never do it for me.  Chuck is based on the true story of Check Wepner the inspiration for Rocky Balboa.  Another fun fact, I’ve never seen Rocky 1 through 20 and I don’t intend do.

The Dinner (May 5)

The fact that this movie stars Richard Gere is the only thing that would get me to watch this movie.  Two estranged brother’s son’s are friends and the families are tested for how far they are willing to go to protect the secret of the horrible crime committed by both sons.

The Wall (May 12)

Not quite the Trump wall but getting there.  It doesn’t look like that bad of a movie I just don’t think it will be enough.

Lowirders (May 12)

A gangsta inspirational movie about fathers who just want their kids to build cars and kids who just want to break the law and do graffiti.

The Survivalist (May 19)

During a time of starvation, a man lives alone in the woods with a shotgun, people show up…what could go wrong?

Wakefield (May 19)

The strange movie about a man who wanted to escape it all but didn’t want to leave his family so he watches them from the garage attic while things fall apart.

Diary Of A Wimpy Kid: The Long Haul (May 19)

Um…. yeah…. no thanks.

The Commune (Kollektivet) (May 19)

A 1970’s movie about a danish woman who is bored of her husband and would rather live with other people so they decide to invite others to create a commune in their home.

Movies NOT To See: April 2017 Edition

A compiled list to help you weed out the good vs the bad to save your time, money and brain cells. A link to the trailer has been provided in the title. 

The Blackcoat’s Daughter (February) (March 31)

A creepy horror movie about two girls who have to stay at their boarding school over the winter break as an evil presence begins to stalk them.  Though I am intrigued I think this one is best for those random horror movie Netflix nights.

Colossal (April 7)

Starring Anne Hathaway as a washed up party girl whose destructive life pattern manifests itself into a giant Godzilla alien that she can control.

The Void (April 7)

A gory alien horror movie best left for those one star horror movie Netflix nights.

Truman (April 7)

A film about two old friends who reconnect later in life while one is diagnosed with terminal cancer.  The film has a cute dog, but it is also in subtitles.

Graduation (Bacalaureat) (April 7)

A film about a girl whose chance to escape the place where she lives is ruined when she is attacked on the way to school.  Her chance to escape could slip away as the haunting attack threatens to send her down a path of ruin.

The Outcasts (April 14)

At first I thought the movie might have potential reminding me of Mean Girls, but then it fell apart and floundered.

Leap! (Ballerina) (April 21)

While it has the look of charming and uplifting animation, it has the quality of made for tv Christmas re-runs.

Unforgettable (April 21)

While we all enjoy a little crazy lady fights I feel like we have seen this many times before.

The Promise (April 21)

The story of fallen empires, war and love.  While it almost gets your attention there is something missing from this one.

Free Fire (April 21)

A confusing gun battle reminiscent to those long battles in Golden Eye.

Sleight (April 28)

The preview is very short for this one and the super power qualities look intriguing, but the summary of the film looks to be a lot less super.

How To Be A Latin Lover (April 28)

The novelty of the idea fades a little too quickly.

Movies Not To See: March 2017 Edition

A compiled list to help you weed out the good vs the bad to save your time, money and brain cells. A link to the trailer has been provided in the title. 

Lovesong (March 3)

As much as I like Jena Malone you all know how I feel about Sundance films.  Let me summarize this for you, our broken main character is a single mother, she finds comfort in Jena Malone’s attention and Jena takes advantage of her broken friend.  After some sexual encounters and their relationship blooms, Jena introduces her fiancé.  During the bachelorette party, the main character tries to get Jena back, they ignite their sexual desires again, but our main character remains broken and used yet again.

The Last Word (March 3)

As touching and lovely as the movie may be in the end it is a bit too predictable and doesn’t quite make sense.  Our main character is a bitch, lets get that out of the way because everyone thinks to.  She is very controlling and requests the person who writes the obituaries to writes hers now so she can approve it.  After realizing she may not be as well liked as she believes herself to be, she magically becomes the most hip, cool, interesting and likeable person while trying to impact a young girls life in a positive way as a last ditch effort to get through those pearly gates.

My Scientology Movie (March 10)

At first what appears to be a documentary about Scientology is about a mans mission to learn more about Scientology, but when his attempts to enter their headquarters are denied he uses ex-members to recreate situations that they have experienced. As a fun little twist, the Church are also creating their own film about the director.  Perhaps a couple laughs, but looks confusing and a little too messy to be entertaining.

Raw (March 10)

The first warning is the vast amount of film festival awards the trailer boasts.  The movie is about a girl whose entire family are vegetarian and a vet.  When she attends veterinary school she eats raw meat for the first time which she then goes crazy along with the rest of the students in this messed up attempt at being artistic gone wrong.

Personal Shopper (March 10)

Starring Kristen Stewart comes a thrilling and suspenseful movie of a girl who tries to connect with her deceased twin brother.  Though I am intrigued by the film this is nothing I would recommend going to the theatre to see.

A Very Sordid Wedding (March 10)- no trailer available-

There isn’t really much available on this one other than it being a sequel from Sordid Lives set seventeen years later.  It appears to be a very campy cult classic type show that I imagine will be like the Absolutely Fabulous Movie where it is best suited for fans of the original, current viewers can still enjoy it but not to the extent intended.

Song To Song (March 17)

Ryan Gosling and Michael Fassbender can only do so much to help a film and make you want to see it.  This movie is about the very cliche and predictable story of musicians who fall in love and their love and passion become too much and it turns into pain in a vicious cycle.

The Devil’s Candy (March 17)

An odd horror movie about a man who vaguely looks like Jesus who becomes possessed by something evil and paints disturbing pictures.

The Blackcoat’s Daughter (February) (March 31)

A creepy horror movie about two girls who have to stay at their boarding school over the winter break as an evil presence begins to stalk them.  Though I am intrigued I think this one is best for those random horror movie Netflix nights.

Movies NOT To See: February 2017 Edition

A compiled list to help you weed out the good vs the bad to save your time, money and brain cells. A link to the trailer has been provided in the title. 

February is looking like a very sparse month for movies NOT to see.  The upcoming movies lists like to change and trick me though so we might have more to add later on.

David Brent: Life on the Road (Feb 10)

I love British films, but I’m not really falling for this one.  There’s going to be funny parts and many of you will want to see it but in the end we all know what the walk of shame looks like coming out of a theatre from a movie you know you shouldn’t have seen.

Movies NOT To See: January 2017 Edition

A compiled list to help you weed out the good vs the bad to save your time, money and brain cells. A link to the trailer has been provided in the title. 

20th Century Women (Dec 28)

The year is 1979 and perhaps this would mean more to me had I been born closer to this year, but there is just something about these quirky teens trying to grow movies that just don’t do it for me.

Paterson (Dec 28)

A movie about a poet and poetry. I may enjoy reading, writing, music and creating, there is something about poetry that just rubs me the wrong way.

The Bye Bye Man (Jan 13)

To say what everyone else is thinking… who comes up with this sh!t?

The Founder (Jan 20)

There is something about movies that change dates that just annoys me.  We all love McDonalds we don’t care how bad it is for us or where it came from.  I may have considered watching it the first time it was supposed to be released, but since they changed the date I’ve lost my interest.  Now who wants to go to McDonalds?

The Red Turtle (La Tortue Rouge) (Jan 20)

An odd animated film with a storybook animation and a beautiful story.  Not going to lie I probably won’t ever see this.

Trespass Against Us (Jan 20)

Starring Michael Fassbender as a man who had a hectic upbringing by his father and his struggle to raise his own kids with his father still influencing him.  He has to face the man he is becoming because of his father and the man who he needs to be for his children.

Movies NOT To See: December 2016 Edition

A compiled list to help you weed out the good vs the bad to save your time, money and brain cells. A link to the trailer has been provided in the title. 

Incarnate (Dec 2)

Horror movies are rarely on the TO see list, as there is usually more valuable things to spend your time and money on; however, once on Netflix these are free game.  I’d consider watching this one, but not in theatres.

Man Down (Dec 2)

I think I’m more surprised that Shia LaBeouf is still capable of acting.  I had assume he took a trip too far down the rabbit hole to come back.  Either way, war movies rarely interest me, but I do enjoy Jai Courtney.

The Eyes Of My Mother (Dec 2)

A movie about a woman who is scarred for life from her mother who was a surgeon that was obsessed with cutting things open to see what was inside.  The movie was shot in black and white and consists of a lonely farmhouse and animals and people being cut up and wrapped into neat little packages.

Pet (Dec 2)

A lonely tale about a man who just wants this woman to love him, so he kidnaps her and keeps her in a cage until she will love him.  Sadly, it turns out she may be even crazier than him.

Office Christmas Party (Dec 9)

Just because there are some really good actors and actresses in  the movie, doesn’t mean it will be great.  In fact, you may even laugh, but in the end you will wonder why you even bothered.

La La Land (Dec 9)

Emma Stone? Yes.  Ryan Gosling? Yes.  Borderline too much of an “artistic” film? Yes.  Because I like them both I may consider watching this, but I don’t think it is theatre worthy.

Friend Request (Nov 18) – MOVED TO DEC 9

I make no promises that they will keep it on Dec 9th.  There is forgetting to log out of your Facebook while at the Apple store, but it’s entirely different when a ghost hacks your page.  Dun, Dun, Dun.

Frank & Lola (Dec 9)

Sundance award films and I rarely get along.  A dark artsy little film about love, sex, violence and obsession.

Neruda (Dec 16)

A film about the poet Pablo Neruda during 1948, his poetry and his escapes from the government while writing poetry and inspiring the common people.

Live By Night (Dec 25)

Based on the crime novel written by Dennis Lehane, nothing to get you in the Christmas spirit like crime and murder.